Look: I've Addressed All Your Questions!

Dear Blogger Who Wrote This Article

All you really needed to do was ask. And not in the form of a passive aggressive blog post disguised as "witty." The tiny house community is, in general, a friendly and open lot who are more than happy to address your questions and curiosities. 

In fact, let me help. 

“you can’t tell me that you don’t lie awake at night, your face four inches from the ceiling because the only place your bed fits is above the kitchen sink which also acts as your shower, and think, I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

Yes, as a matter of fact, I can tell you that. Personally, I find sleeping in my loft to be cozy but your mileage may vary. If you don’t like sleeping in a loft I might suggest not building a tiny house or keeping your bed on the ground floor. A loft isn’t mandatory.

“But 250 square feet? What the hell happens when your tiny house partner farts Mexican food farts, huh? Where do you escape to? Nowhere.”

As it turns out, my house is only 120 square feet and there are two of us. You know what – people in big houses fart too. We aren’t all precious snowflakes. My partner and I have been together 20 years and the occasional passing of gas is really no big deal. Open a window and blame it on the cat.

“where do you put your [expletive deleted]? You still have some clothing and shoes and towels and all that jazz, right? Or do you just wear overalls now? Overalls and Birkenstocks and one towel that you share with your entire family. Where do you wash that towel, hmm?”

I’m glad you asked. I do have clothing and shoes and towels. I put them in the closet and the bathroom where they belong, just like everyone else. And, we live in luxury with two whole towels so we don’t have to split one. We wash it at the laundromat. We use to go to a place that was also a bar so that was cool. 

“And I know your house isn’t that clean all of the time.”

Sure isn’t, but why in the world would I post photos of my dirty house on the internet? It gets messy. We have to sweep. But you know what? It takes a fraction of the time to straighten up and clean. I’ll take that trade any day.

“What if you’re having a [expletive deleted] day and you just want to be alone? You can’t be alone, right? […]Don’t you feel like a rat trapped in a cage?”

Did you know when you live in a house you’re not confined to it 24/7. If I want to get out, I get out. If he wants to get out, he gets out. Often, we get out together. We are not wearing house arrest anklets.

“WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SEXY TIME?!?”

Honey, if you can’t figure out how to have sexy time in *any* space, you're probably not doing it right. However, I can’t address your questions about kids because I don’t have any; on purpose.

“Do you have friends and family? ANSWER ME! Are people now afraid of you?”

You’ve asked for answers so I am giving them to you. You know, friends and family also don’t have to be confined to your tiny house. There are these things called hotels. Or, in our case, tents. Friends actually ask to come camp on our land because they are not afraid of us.

“Guys, you know when the zombie apocalypse comes you’re going to be the first to go, right?”

As it turns out our tiny house is in a defensible position on a mountain…and on a foundation. Our friends and family have made plans to join us on our mountain to survive the coming hoards. You are not invited.

“You want to be some eccentric full of whimsy who doesn’t need modern tools or resources to live a fulfilling life. Well, good for you and your small abode. I hope you’re happy and that all my questions and concerns are just the ramblings of a jealous woman who wants a tiny house of her own.”

If you want a tiny house of your own you have an awfully strange way to go about your research into the lifestyle. There is a fine line between tongue-and-cheek and just plain mean. You may be straddling the line a little. Just thought I would let you know for future planning purposes.